Holaday Are Not The Same Without Her

Today was my birthday. I turned 56 years old. I spent most of my birthday at work because I work 12 hour shifts. I don't really feel any older because I try to stay in good shape. But the truth is.....
that's old. If I were an oak tree, you couldn't even reach your arms around me. I dreaded coming home this evening because I knew it would be to an empty house with no presents or a cake. My sweetheart would never, never let me have a birthday without a cake and she sure could make a delicious cake. She would have had me a gift and it was always something special that she hand picked. She would make it a special day no matter how many hours I got to spend with her.

I left work and on the drive home I thought about how fussy she was about every holiday. Tears filled my eyes as I made the last turn down the road to my home. I so miss that girl! I got home and got busy moving all the warm weather plants in because it is suppose to be very cold in a day or so. The plants were hers and she has cared for them over the years. When we would bring them back out in the spring they would look so pretty and healthy. I will probably kill every single one of them.

Now I know more than ever that Dale made our house a home. I loved coming home to her. A lot of times I would walk in and she would ask me 5 questions about stuff before I would ever say a word. She did like to talk. How I miss all her questions. Oh how I miss listening to her talk to me or going around singing some song that most of the time she was making up as she goes. 

I cut on the television as soon as I can so I don't have to listen to the silence. Most of the time it will just be a Christian music channel. They say that music calms the savage beast and I guess it does. It does help me make it through the lonely evenings.

Now it is bed time. I have to get up early in the morning. I must go to that cold and lonely bedroom and try to go to sleep. It is nothing for me to go to bed at 8:00 and lay there awake until 12:00, one time recently it was 4:00 in the morning before I ever went to sleep. I am so tired from lack of sleep, from the constant tears, from the living in this world without Dale. 

I may be blogging this evening just stalling on going to bed. I got a birthday card from my sister that was special and a few messages from family and friends. That cheered me up some and I am thankful for every one. It is a good thing to have people who love you and are always there if I need them.

alight