For the past several months I have watch and prayed for a miracle of God on my wife's life. Her cancer is getting the best of her now. I have brought her home to take care of her in her last days here on Earth. I have hospice coming by to check her vitals and give me pain medicine to give to her. The medicine is now working most of the time. She went through several months of suffering.
I am trying to work 2 days a week if I can get someone to come sit with her. I work 12 hour shifts so that can be difficult. I do not want to put her in a nursing home but will not hold it against anyone who does use one. Some days I feel that I just can't make it. She needs constant care and the house needs constant care and the outside needs constant care and so on.
I have put this year on hold so that I can care for my sweetheart of over 37 years. No mission trips, hardly ever get to go play golf and I don't know how long it's been when I fished last. Deer season with the bow and arrow starts this weekend but I will not be going. When you are almost 56 years old you don't want to miss out on too many years.
Dale and I had our prayer time together tonight and she sounded like she was already There and I felt a million mile away from the One I was talking to. I admitted it to the Lord and asked Him to draw me up close. We need Him now more than ever. What a dark day it is when you feel a long way away from the Lord. I am restless and uneasy. I could easily have a panic attack and start crying.
His Word says that He will never leave us or forsake us and I believe that. I trust that I will feel His closeness soon. I will wait upon the Lord.
alight
