One Regret

The one regret I have since Dale died is that my relationship with God has suffered. It is all my fault. I can blame no one but myself. Now I've been astray for so long that God seems a million miles away. So far away that my prayers would not reach Him at all if it were not for the fact that He is God. I regret not being close to Jesus. We were so close like friends. I was let down when He took Dale away but not forsaken, I forsook Him. He gave me strength but I refused to except it. He gave me comfort but I had rather suffer instead. He was patient with me and I turned my back on Him. Is there any coming back? I don't know. If there is then it will be a hard road to follow. Am I strong enough to make the changes? I doubt it, it would have to be with Gods help. My biggest trouble will be all the doubt I have these days. Have I gone too far? Probably not but there is doubt even in that answer. Lord help me! alight